buona pasqua

Happy Easter

I in them and you in me, that they may become completely one, so that the world may know that you have sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.

love love love
all you need is love

what am I gonna do

when I can't just bop on over to Amalfi on a lazy Sunday,

 

stuff my kids with cones full of gelato,

watch them hunt for pieces of ceramic amongst the pebbles on the coast,

 visit ancient churches where the remains of one of Jesus' buddies can be seen,

and sit on the dock of the bay and watch the tide roll away?

Real life, I know you're coming, but I am so not ready for you.

dr. seuss fun

A couple of weeks ago, we had a combined birthday party for Alaina and her pals. It was fun. It was windy. It was a little chaotic. I didn't take a single picture.

Thankfully, we have a friend who knows a thing or two about photography. She took some photes for us.

Alaina rarely smiles like this. Wanna know what caused this moment of joy? Our friend's little dog. She loves dogs.

I'm still processing the fact that my baby is one.

It could take awhile.

sharing

I haven't been in the mood for blogging, lately.

Nothing too exciting to report, I guess. 

Here's a shot from last week.

Graham teaching these babies one of the hardest lesson for humans to learn: to share.

birthday tutu

We had a big birthday bash for Alaina and her two buddies a couple of weekends ago, which is the reason she has a birthday tutu. I'm waiting for some professional photes so I can blog about it. I didn't even have my camera with me. Big woops.

Since 007 is out saving the world right now, Graham and I celebrated Alaina's true birthday by making her a strawberry-banana cake.

I celebrated the day I gave birth by having a few good girlfriends over to eat cake with me once I put the kids to bed.

It was perfect. 

While we were eating Alaina's birthday dinner, I asked Graham to tell me something he loves about Alaina.

His response: "I like when she plays with me."

Then he asked me to tell him something I love about Alaina.

My response: "I love when she snuggles with me."

I hope she never stops snuggling me. It truly is the best thing on Earth.

in case you want to relive the magic of A's birth story...

My mother groaned, my father wept,

Into the dangerous world I leapt.

~William Blake

Monday, March 12, 3:00 pm: 

41 week check-up with a different doctor, since mine is leaving town this week. He's a seasoned OB/GYN with a Spanish accent and a non-chalant, it's up to you, attitude. Even though I've been complaining for weeks, I think I'll go ahead and wait some more for labor to happen naturally, since the baby has plenty of fluid and appears to be as healthy as can be.

Monday, March 12, 3:00pm-Midnight:

Hmm, I sure have been feeling a lot of contractions today. More than usual, but they are not any stronger than they've been for the past 3 weeks, so I'm not going to get excited.

Tuesday, March 13, 12:01 am:

BA-BY! BA-BY! BA-BY! 

Tuesday, March 13, 12:05 am - 1:00 am:

"Hey, Tony. Welcome to bed. Um, are we sure about the names we've picked out? Let's talk about it for awhile." 

Oh wow, that feels a little funny in my hiney. Maybe this is the beginning of labor. No, calm down, Katherine. Don't get excited. Just get some rest. You'll still be waiting in the morning. No big deal. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.

Tuesday, March 13, 1:54 am:

Holy shit! It feels like something just zapped my tail-bone. What was that? Keep resting. Get some sleep. This could get real. Go to sleep. Let Tony sleep. We all need some rest if this is going to happen in the morning. Sleep. 

Tuesday, March 13, 2:22 am: 

Okay, the pain is getting real. A little more consistent. Feels like it did when labor began with Graham. "Tony, I think something is happening." 

Let's go ahead a time how long it is before I have another contraction. 

2:27 am:

That was a good one. Okay, maybe we should get out of bed. No, not yet. Don't get too excited. Calm down. Breathe. Wait for another one.

2:32 am:

Okay, okay, that hurt. Let's get going. Breathe. Walk. Change into sport's bra and comfy exercise pants. 

2:37 am:

Having some trouble breathing. Can't go wake Graham. "Tony, I'll meet you in the car." Breathe. Ouch. Breathe. Calm down. This is really happening! Yay! Breathe. 

2:45 am:

"Hey Graham. Get buckled up, buddy. We're taking you to you're friend's house. The baby is coming." Breathe, Katherine. Breathe. Moan. Try not to worry Graham by screaming. This hurts a lot, but you can do it. Be strong for Graham. Oh my, why do we live on such a bumpy road? Oh wow, that hurts. Okay, we're driving. We're going. The pain is coming quicker, now. Wow. Ouch. Bump. Breathe. 

2:55 am:

Get out of the car to kiss Graham goodbye. Oh, that was a mistake. Can't walk. No time in between contractions. Why are they coming so quickly? I want my relaxation between contractions, but there's no time. Okay, back in the car.

"Tony, these are coming quick!" 

Okay, calm down. Driving. Bump. Ouch. Bump. Oooh ouch ouch ouch.

I need to call my mom. I can do that. Dial the number. "Oh, hey Michael. We're going to hospital, now, to have to baby. Hey, Mom. Okay, gotta go. It hurts!"

"Tony, they just keep coming. It's like I'm having contractions between contractions!" 

Oooooooooouuuuuuuuuuucccccchhhhhhhhhhh!

The road sure looks blurry. Breathe. Breathe. Bump. Ouuuuuuuuuuuccccchhhhhhhhhhhhh!

3:23 am:

Oh man, I have to get out of the car and walk into the hospital. Okay, I can do it. One foot in front of the other. Okay, into the doors. Oh, there are a bunch of dudes in blue Navy uniforms. Ouuuch. Breathe. Breathe. Oh, thank goodness, there is a wheelchair. Sit in the wheelchair. Okay, can't sit down, that hurts. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Now, sit. Okay, here we go. Blurry. Everything is blurry. Up the elevator. Oh, that is a nice picture of a baby's foot and a mother's hand. We must be in Labor and Delivery. Hello, lovely nurses. 

One of them says, "Okay, let's go in here. You look uncomfortable."

Ouuuuuuuchhhhhh! Ouuchh! Weird. I need to pee. And they want me to change into a gown. Alright, I got my pants off, but I can't do the shirt. This hurts. I need to lie down. There's the bed. Okay, lie down. 

"I need to puuuuush!"

What are they doing to me? Why the IV? Do they really need my blood pressure right now? Why won't they let me push? They keep telling me to breathe and be calm, but I just need to push.

"Guys, I neeeeeed to puuuussshhh! It's coming out!"

Tony is telling me to let my body do what it needs to do. I love Tony. Man, I love him. The nurses are telling me to wait for the doctor and they keep poking me and jabbing me and hooking me up to monitors. Ugh. Ouuuch. Um, how can I possibly hold this in?

"Guys, this huurts, there's no time between contractions. I need to puuushh! Please? Why can't I push? The baby is coming out. It's coming out!"

The nurse checks out my cervix and I hear her saying, "Yep. She's right. It's time to push." So, why are they telling me to wait? We're waiting for the doctor? Can't the nurses just deliver the baby? They should know how to do it, right?

Ah, there's the doctor. What? He needs to go change his clothes, first? Huh? "I NEED TO PUSH! I'M GOING TO START PUSHING, NOW!"

Oh, good, the doctor is here with some scrubs on. He's taking control. He's commanded them to "break the bed." 

He's so calm. How can he be so calm?

"Let's stretch the perineum," he says, "Give me a little cough. Ehe, ehe." 

Wait, can I please have a mirror? I'd like to see what's happening down there. Oh, there's a mirror. Oh wow, I'm going to push, now. There's something coming out! Aw, man, they put my legs up. I can't see anymore. 

Tony declares "There's some hair on this one!" Is he talking about my vagina? Oh wait, no. On the baby! The baby has hair!

Tuesday, March 13, 4:16 am - 4:17 am: 

Ouuuuuuuuuuuch!! "Shit, you guys, this really huuuuuuuuurrrrrrttttttttsss" Push. Push. Burning. Ouch. Push. Yay, they're letting me push. Ouch. Push. Breathe. Push.

Tony says, "The head is out. Here it comes...... They baby is out. It's out!"

I hear people saying something about a girl. It's a girl? A girl? I have a daughter? Wow! Really? It's over already? She's out? For real? That was so fast!

Tony asks, "Can we put her on up here on the belly?" There she is! On my belly. Crying. So pink. So, so pink and healthy. So healthy. Beautiful. So, so beautiful! And pink!

Someone asks, "What's her name?"

Tony stares into my eyes. "Alaina." I say. "Alaina Marie." 

growing pains

Growth is good.

I know this.

I do.

But for today, I am desperately trying to stop time.

To keep things from growing.

To stand still.

Because, tomorrow, this girl

will turn one whole year old...

I will celebrate her growth tomorrow, but today, I just want to hold on.

To be still.