Sorry. No new photes of the bump today, ya'll. You'll just have to trust me when I tell you that it's bigger. Why? Because the camera has been safely packed away in the car for the past ten days or so. Why? Because we don't want to forget it if, I mean, when this baby arrives in our arms. Plus, I'm too lazy/unmotivated/bummed-out-because-I'm-still-pregnant to get it out.
On February 23rd, I was cursed with the waiting game. Oh, how my life would be different if February 23rd never happened. On February 23rd, I had an appointment with my doctor. He reported to me that my cervix was dilated to 3, almost 4 centimeters and it was 50% effaced, etc., etc... This exact same thing happened when I was pregnant with Graham, and I ended up giving birth to him 3 days later, which was 10 days before his due date. Having had this experience coupled with the fact that everyone and their dog was telling me that I would certainly have this baby early since I had Graham early and I better be prepared for a very quick labor, I got excited. I got prepared. I forgot that my due date was not until March 6th. I got ready. Bring on the labor!
Since that day, I have been experiencing multiple personalities and riding the crazy train. I've had nights where I couldn't sleep due to excitement, and I've had nights where I slept like a log due to utter exhaustion. I've had days where I sat, sat, sat. I've had days where I've tried to forget about the whole thing and just get on with life (which, doesn't work, by the way, when you've got 20 pounds weighing down your pelvis). I've been up. I've been down. I've sobbed uncontrollably. I've been nauseous. I've enjoyed some good naps and quiet, alone time. I've read good books. I've had heartburn. I've complained nonstop to a supportive husband and to close friends (thanks for listening). I've felt joy, and I've felt despair. I've had contractions. I've almost peed my pants on too many occasions to count. It's been a wild ride. It's all led me to today. March 6th. The due date. Forty weeks. Done. Finished. Complete. Basta!
Except, not really. Because the baby is still inside my body.
I had another visit with the ole doc today, and guess what? My cervix is now dilated to a definite 4 centimeters, and is around 75-80% effaced, and the baby is sitting at a 0... I'm practically halfway through labor, but haven't even begun laboring. Weird, eh?
And so, now, I sit and hope. And chant these mantras in my head:
"Forward. Forward."
"This, too, shall pass."
"This is not the end of the world."
"This cannot possibly go on forever."
"The best is yet to come."
"I will get by."
"I will survive."
Dearest Katherine - we are sending so much positive energy and love to you as you prepare to give birth to the newest baby Blaine. We can't wait to meet him/her...and you are going to do GREAT when he/she decides to tell you that it's the right time. Good job riding the wild ups and downs of these final weeks while remaining as patient and trusting as possible. I can't wait for you to meet this little one! And just think of all that great work your body has already done to help your new baby arrive. You're so close...good job being strong! Trust your baby...they are so smart about when the right time is. I love you!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry Kat--I can so relate with what you're going through. Almost the exact same thing happened with Kynlee where I was at a 4 for two weeks and positive I would go any time. There is something so devastating about going past your due date. Hang in there and know that we're thinking of you! Those mantras you've been chanting are right on. The power of thought is amazing during this time! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteP.S. It ended up being my best delivery (and recovery for that matter) by far because it was so great to already have those 4 cm knocked out of the way! :) :)
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