my new nephew

I had a nervous stomach all day yesterday, and I didn't know why. I didn't feel like eating. My mind was elsewhere, but I didn't know where. I just felt strange all day. Then I talked with my brother. He told me he was in the hospital waiting for his son to be born. It all became clear to me. I was nervous for him. Sibling connections run deeper than I ever imagined. I said goodnight to him as the nurses were beginning to induce the labor. I didn't sleep well. I kept checking the computer for updates. Alaina woke up earlier than usual, so I was thrown off this morning and didn't know what to do with myself. I couldn't eat. I couldn't relax. I couldn't exercise or clean. I just stared at my computer waiting for the news.

I was not prepared for the flood of emotions that hit me when the little "ding-dong" rang on my screen. I couldn't get a word out because I was crying before I even saw my brother. Then I saw my mom. Then I saw my cousins. I lost it completely. I cried because I was happy for my brother and his new son, because I missed my mom and my family, and because, damn it, I was jealous. I wished my family could have been there for me when my kids were born. But, mostly I cried because I wanted more than anything to be there with them at that moment. I wish I could have helped welcome my nephew, my children's cousin, into the world...

When I do meet him, though, I will be able to make him pasta and tell him stories of a far off land they call "Italia."

I absolutely cannot wait for that day.

Congratulations to my big brother. I am over the moon with joy and hope for him right now.

Good luck, brotha!